Yesterday I saw something that was straight out of the past. My pal Sheila Mulloy, a solicitor, asked me to accompany her to a country hospital located about an hour away for the purpose of (A) keeping her company, and (B) being a witness to a Will to be made out on the spot and signed by a cantankerous old farmer named Marcus O’Donnell.

Now, Marcus O’Donnell, a man is in his early eighties, kept a full tilt small farm all by himself up until last year. But finally the crust of age and cigarettes caught up with him. He’s now in a home and he’s got a bit of a circulatory problem causing a speck of gangrene…his left toe seems to have gone missing. He’s quite pissed off about all of this, but his rational side recently reflected on his mortality causing him to invite his solicitor, Ms Mulloy, to the old folks home to draw up his last Will and testament.

Confronting mortality, at any age, isn’t cause for joy. But one can only assume what it might be like for a person who is 80+, witnessing the construction of their will. I’d say it might be like being a patient watching their own abdominal surgery on TV, but knowing that the operation was guaranteed to go south. 

So there I sat, watching Sheila put great effort into pulling this guy into focus. 

“Now Marcus, who’s been good to ya?” 
“Well, ah, how ‘bout if I sell the small piece of land below?”
“Marcus, we can deal with that at another time, were here to do your Will”.
“Alright”.
“Now, who’s been good to ya”?
“Well, I haven’t any family, but my niece Josey and her husband Liam have kept an eye on me”.
“Are you happy with them, then?”
“Should I sell the cows?”
“Marcus, you can sell the cows later”.
“Do you think you might have a word with the head nurse to keep me in this private room?”
“That will be no problem, Marcus, no bother at all. But are you happy with Josey and Liam?”
“Ah sure they’re a fine couple and they named one of their young ones after me, they did”.
“Marcus, do you want to leave the farm to them?”
“Tell the head nurse I’ll pay a bit more if I can stay in this room. I don’t like the fellas in the ward.”
“Marcus…”
“Who’s this big fella with you?”
“He’s Middleton O’Malley”
“Now where are ya from”?
“He’s from Newport”.
“Newport?
“Yes, he’s Joe Blackwell’s cousin. From Ross.”
“Middleton, do you know Thomasie Moran”?
“Yes, I do Mr. McDonnell”.
“Ah, the great craic we had, Thomasie was a mighty man. God the craic”! He worked at Ross all his life. Was that your family?”
“Marcus, I’m going to write out your will and then you can look at it…”
“Did you know his wife Mary?”
“Yes, Mr. McDonnell, that is my family and I did know Thomasie’s wife, she was lovely.”
”Well I’ll tell ya one time we were after rowing back from Clare Island when we docked in at Newport. Jesus, the drink!”
Marcus, I’m puttin’ down Josey and Liam for the farm…”
“Now didn’t Thomasie and meself call in to Joe Mac’s for a Pint, you’d think we’d just come back from the desert! Mother of sweet divine did we have some great old craic!”
“Marcus, you’ll be leaving the farm and the stock to Josey and Liam”.
“You sound American, are ya on Holidays?”
“Ah, no, Mr. McDonnell, I’m living in Newport, and I’m Sheila’s boyfriend”.
“Marcus, do you want…”
“Ah, now she’s a fine girl, and you’re a lucky man”.
“Marcus…”
“Yes, I am Mr. McDonnell. And I’ve known Johnny and Sheila Sr. for many years. Do you know them”?
“Marcus, I’m going to read you the Will to make sure it’s alright with you”
“The finest people you’d ever want to meet, they are. I always gave my custom to Johnny in the shop, and Sheila did a grand job with the eight kids, she did”.
“Will you both please be quiet for just a minute”? Marcus, I have the Will, and I’m going to read it to you”.
“Can you tell the nurse for me? About the room.”
“I Marcus McDonnell, being of sound mind and memory, do make, publish and declare this to be my Last Will and Testament, hereby revoking any and all prior wills heretofore made by me. 
“Middleton, can you tell the nurse for me”?
I direct that my legally enforceable debts, funeral expenses, and expenses in connection with the administration of my estate be paid as soon after my death as may be reasonably convenient, and I hereby authorize and empower my executor, 
“Of course I will Mr. McDonnell…”
“…in case any claims are made against my estate, to settle and discharge such claims in their absolute discretion.
“I don’t like those other fellas, they get to roaring at night, and all that carry on.”
“…I leave the farm of land, and the stock, and herd number, farm equipment, house and contents to Liam and Josey MacMenamon.
“Could I leave something to their kids too?”
“Of course you can”
“Then I want to leave 2500 quid to be split among the four of them”.
“Do you come here often”?
“Well, Mr. McDonnell, I’m spending most of my time over here now”.
“What about my sister Mary, in Chicago?”
“Marcus, it’s your money, you can do with it as you please”.
“Then I leave the rest of my money to her.”
“That’ll be grand.”
“Do you call in to Joe Mac’s yourself?”
“Yes I do”.
“…I leave the sum of 2,500 pounds to be divided evenly among the four children of Jose and Liam MacManamon…”
“Does his son, Harry, run it now”?
“Yes he does”.
“I leave the remainder of my estate to my sister…”
“Are the pints still mighty there? I wouldn’t mind a pint.”
“and any residual assets that may become available are to be divided evenly…”
“And what relation to Joe Blackwell are you”?
“Now Marcus, you are to sign this here.”
“I’m his first cousin once removed”.
“Here?”
Yes, where I’ve underlined’.
“Right”
“Now, did Joe Blackwell marry that German woman he came over here with”?
“Yes, Mr. McDonnell, that would be Meike. She’s a good woman”.
“Now, Marcus, I’m going to sign it as witness here.”
“She’s a German. How did he meet a German”?
“Major Blackwell was in America for some time before coming home to Ross. He met her in Chicago.”
“Chicago?”
“Yup”.
“Have you ever been to Chicago?”
Yes Mr. McDonnell, I have.”
“Middie, you sign here.”
“Do you know Vaughan’s Pub?”
“Sign your full name please.”
“I have a friend named Maloney from Sherdagh, who took me there once.” 
“Now, Marcus, I’ll be keeping this copy on file at the office as you have no private place here to keep one”. 
“I went to visit my sister in Chicago once. Me and Jimmy, her husband took me to Vaughan’s. And didn’t we have a grand old session there too. It was full of Irish and I met a friend from below Tiernaur there.”
“Where did the name Middleton come from”?
“It’s been in the family for generations, must have been a family name once.”
“I’d say so, it sounds like a Cork name.”
“Marcus, we’ll be off now”.
“Can you tell the nurse for me?”
“Very good to meet you Mr. McDonnell”.
“Good to meet you too Middleton”
“Now give me a kiss Marcus and we’ll be off, I’ll tell the nurse.”
“You’re a grand girl Sheila…tell her I’ll give her more money if I can stay in the room”.